kvia 7

KVIA EMail Exposed!

KVIA Emails Revealed!
I received these email messages a few days ago. Enjoy them!

From:Stephanie Valle <ANOREXICDIVA@kvia.com>
To:Karla Huelga <REDPUBESAREHOT@kvia.com>

Hey Karla, when do you want to have a vomit session? I cannot believe that I ate two carrot sticks and a slice of bread! I feel like such a pig for eating so much food! I need to expel all of this junk food ASAP! Meet me at the bathroom at 12:00 PM sharp!


From Rick Cabrera <BALDINGPEARSHAPEDHEAD@kvia.com>
To Nichole Gomez <HOTBUNZ@kvia.com>

Hey Nicki, I have to profess my lus…. I mean love for you right now! Is it not obvious to you and every viewer in El Crappo and in Las Cacas that I love you more than my job! How about you dump that tax write-off Randy Culpepper and become my wife! Your name would sound so much better as Nichole Gomez Culpepper Cabrera II.


From:Estella Casas <HOTGRANDMA@kvia.com>
To:Kevin Lowell <SKINNYDORK@kvia.com>

Hey jerk off, if you do not increase my pay, I will force you to listen to a demo tape that I made in the 1980s! It features covers of Billy Ocean and Peter Cetera songs! The last track features my Mommy! She does an acapella version of “Relax” from Frankie Does Hollywood! It is so bad that it will make your ears bleed for days!


From:Collin Carroll <HOWDYDOODYGINGER@kvia.com)
To:Kevin Lowell <SKINNYDORK@kvia.com>

Hey man, you should have given me Asher Wildman’s position! You know damn well that the position belonged to me and not Screwy Del Rio! Just for that I am going to mail my red ass hairs to you and every member in your family! Take that you skinny dork!


To:Josie Ortegon <INEEDTOLEARNHOWTOREAD@kvia.com>
From:Luke Lyddon <NEWSSTUD@kvia.com>

Hey Josie my Latin delight, how about you come over tonight and I tutor you on how to read correctly! That sounds like fun right?


From:Krystal Klei <INEEDSUNLIGHT@kvia.com>
To:Bob Harp <ILOOKSICKLY@kvia.com>

Hey Bob! You and I should go out and get a tan! Everybody and their mom keeps on telling me that I am so pale that they can see right through my body!


From:Denise Olivas <ANYONECANDOMYJOB@kvia.com>
To:Kevin Lowell <SKINNYDORK@kvia.com>

Please Kevin do not fire me! I need my job! If you do fire me, I will release that picture of you and Dan Rather wrestling naked in Mexico! I know that I am horrible at what I do, but that does not give you the right to fire me and then hire a Chimpanzee to take my place! Remember I can damage you!


From:Darren Hunt <DEGENERATEGAMBLER@kvia.com>
To:Kevin Lowell <SKINNYDORK@kvia.com>

Hey Kev! I just want to let you know that I am quitting my job next week! I am finally going to work for the Chihuauas! After reviewing my crappy resume, they finally decided to give me a job as a mascot! Hey I know that it is not the job that I wanted, but hey at least I am working for the best team in the Southwest! I will catch you later, I have to visit the Sunland Park race track and spend my fifty dollar pay check! Tomorrow Chuck Debroder and I will visit TItle Loans! We are going to use our loans to make stupid bets online! Toodles!

Louie Del Rio is……………………..

One annoying mofo! Has anybody seen this guy do a sports segment? As God is my witness, this dork cannot remain still for ten seconds! He has a tendency to move around a lot like a fish out of water! Seriously! He keeps on moving his upper body from side to side, and it also appears that he his fidgeting with papers or his crotch! Is this guy on speed or is he just nervous? Oh another thing that I noticed is that his face has a red flushed appearance. So maybe he is on something? Who knows? You be the judge! Anyway, Collin Carroll should have been given the weekday sports position, not this nervous thirty something with a teeny bopper hairdo! As much as Collin’s news reports annoy me, he is a better sports anchor/sports reporter than Louie “Speed Head” Del Rio! I honestly thought that Collin would be given Asher’s old position. Well I should not get worked up over this guy and neither should you! He will probably spend a year or less here, and will eventually get a position in Miami as Tony Montana’s supply tester! Peace!

Questions for the month of April!



1.Is Bob Harp sick?
I have no idea as to whether Mr.Harp is sick or not. But judging from his appearence, I would assume that he might be suffering from some sort of ailment. Has anyone noticed his frequent use of tinted glasses? It apppears as if he is trying to hide sickly looking eyes. Another thing that I have noticed about him is that he is losing weight just like Stephanie Valle, but at a slower rate.
2.Is Stephanie Valle sick?
Well……… yes and no. As I previously stated in a post about a year ago, it seems to me that everyone has jumped on a weight loss bandwagon. I am not really sure as to why though. Almost every female anchor and reporter is thin or bordering on thin. Now Stephanie Valle is just trying to look like a lollipop with a stick for a body and a huge head. It seems to me that she might no longer have this weight loss situaiton under control. There is a possiblity that she might be dealing with anorexia now. What I am trying to figure out is why is she doing this? Are things not going well at home or is she trying to compete with Nichole Gomez? You be the judge!
3.Do you have any compromising photos of any news heads?
4.Do you like the Chihuauas and the new ball park?
As I stated in a previous posting, the Chihuauas will be the future Diablos in about ten to fifteen years. Attendance will be very high for the first few years of operation, and then those numbers will decline overtime. Then most trendy/finicky El Pasoans will complain about the team, and make comments about how watching paint dry is more entertaining. Once they are done criticizing the team, they will go on to criticize the park each and every day. I am telling you right now, this is going to happen.

Josie Ortegon does not know how to pronounce her words!



How can one enter the field of broadcast journalism and not know how to pronounce any word in an English dictionary? It just baffles me! On Saturday morning Ms.Ortegon mispronounced the word “tracheotomy”. The way she pronounced this word made me palm my greasy face for about ten minutes. Now I know that this is not a big deal, but for someone like Josie it really is. She pronounced the word tracheotomy as trach-e-tomy”. This is not the first time that she has mispronounced a word, and she is not the only one that has done this. Ashlie Rodriguez has done this numerous times. What Mr. Lovell needs to do is purchase a couple of “Hooked on Phonics” kits and distribute them to his staff. Hopefully everyone will be able to read correctly and no longer make mistakes that are expected of a five year old!

Steve Ortega’s Email Situation

I was sent a collection of Steve Ortega’s emails a few days ago. I have decided to release a few of those emails. So here they are for your reading pleasure.

Incoming email received 6/22/2011 6:30 PM

From:Courtney Niland <BIGBEEFY@gmail.com>

Date:Wed, 22 Jun 2011 00:21:45

To:Steve Ortega <BALDINGSNAKE@yahoo.com>

Subject:Working out

Hey bro, it’s me big Courtney, when are you going to let me train you on weightlifting. We can workout at Planet Fitness you can spot me, and I can spot you. Laters bro!

Incoming email received 7/01/2010 8:30 AM

From:Emma Acosta <BADTEETH@att.net>

Date:Thu, 01 Jul 2010 00:08:45

To:Steve Ortega<BALDINGSNAKE@yahoo.com>

Subject:Slums for rent

Hey Steve! I was wondering if you know of anyone that might be interested in renting one of my slums? If you do let me know ASAP. Slumlord forever!


Incoming email received 12/23/2012 4:30 PM

From:John Cook <SHITTYMAYOR@gmail.com>

Date:Tue, 23 Dec 2012 00:04:45

To:Steve Ortega<BALDINGSNAKE@yahoo.com>

Subject:My new album!

Hey Stevey! I am going to release my new album on CD and on Itunes! It is titled “Hacky No Talent I could not sing to save my Own Life Vol I”. I will place a copy in your mailbox. Be sure to tell your family and your proctologist about it!


Incoming email received 02/13/2011 2:30 PM


Date:Mon, 13 Feb 2011 00:02:35

To:Steve Ortega <BALDINGSNAKE@yahoo.com>

Subject:The hair club

Hey Steve, should we join the hair club for men or just shave our heads already? I think that there is still hope for you! As for me, I think I am going to shave the four strands of hair that I have left! Okay, I have to go now, my bodyshop needs me! Those damn Mexicans want real money instead of the two bean burros I give them everyday!


Incoming email received 01/20/2010 2:58 PM


Date:Thu, 20 Jan 2010 00:03:00

To:Steve Ortega <BALDINGSNAKE@yahoo.com>

Subject:Your opinion

I was wondering Steve, should I bathe daily or just once a week? What do you think?


Incoming email received 04/05/2012 1:28 PM

From:Joyce Wilson <UGLYLOOKINGPUPPET@gmail.com>

Date:Fri, 05 Apr 2012  00:01:30

To:Steve Ortega <BALDINGSNAKE@yahoo.com>

Subject:El Paso Baseball Mascott

Hola Steve! I was approached by the owner of the new baseball stadium yesterday. He asked me if he could use my image/likeness for the baseball team mascott. Of course I said yes! You know me I am one greedy prune! He paid me 20 grand and he also gave me a gift card to Pets Barn so I could buy food for myself. Cool Huh? The new mascott is going to be called Prune Face Pamela. The name of the new team is The El Paso Prunes! Toodles! Oh yeah, the owner also said that he will give you a box of baseball hats to cover your balding head!

Will KVIA end up cancelling the CW News at 9?


Update:9-12-13 Thursday 9:27AM

I would like to add a few more thoughts to this post. It is obvious that KVIA is trying to make the CW News at 9 appeal to horny young men and gay women. Think about it! Why not use Darren Hunt or that Schreck guy to host? Because KVIA knows damn well that nobody will tune in to see two old farts. KVIA is trying to appeal to a younger audience by using Steph and Nichole. Also, think about the CW for a second. The CW is a channel known for producing programming for a younger crowd or demographic. So the news has to fit the bill. But at the end of the day, the young demographic is obtaining news from internet enabled smartphones and tablets.

The format of the show or should I say formula is the same old boring format that you can experience at 5 and 6pm. Why not make this program completely different from what is shown a few hours before. Stephanie could read some facebook comments on various news topics, and Nichole could interview people on the street about the weather or whatever is on their minds. Placing a few pretty faces on a TV screen is not enough to make me tune in. Sorry KVIA. You need to return to the drawing board and be a little more creative with this sleep inducing news at 9 broadcast. Cheers, Peace, and Love from your favorite critic.



I have yet to see the ratings, but it seems to me that the CW news at 9 is not doing very well. Sure you have two cute looking thirty somethings performing hosting duties every night. But is that really enough to bring in viewers? I would have to say no. As I have stated in a previous post, if KVIA is trying to steal KFOX viewership, then they are going about it in a stupid manner. One thing that you have to remember is that a majority of TV news viewers are not horny young men waiting for Stephanie to bend down and show her big ass. Your TV news viewers are adults in their late 30s, 40s, 50s, and 60s. These viewers only care about two things, the news and the weather. That is it! The second problem with the CW news at 9 is that it is not being broadcasted in true HD. It is being broadcasted in 480p standard format. What is the reason for this? If you are going to use two cute thirty somethings, why not display all of their beauty in at least 720p HD. I really am getting a kick out of KVIA making commercials for the CW news at 9. Have these commercials really increased viewership? I seriously doubt it. Instead of spending money and time on commercials, they should spend it on a better looking set/background.

Another thing that is funny but also annoying are the constant reminders from Estella, Rick, and Dave to watch the CW news at 9. Constantly reminding the public about the CW news is starting to become annoying. You can ask my Grandma as to how she feels about the constant reminders. I will tell you this much, she is not happy about them. I know for a fact that I am not the only one that does not care about the CW news at 9. To whoever is reading this, let me know how you feel. Do not be a shy guy, be a fly guy! Oh Yeah!